9th January, 2013
And so begins a new Dodgeball season. Out of the ashes of the first 'serious' league's grappled-together-and-sometimes-struggling-to-put-out-a-full-side team of 2012, The Jolly Dodgers were hoping a committed, talented set of individuals would arise. With strength to rival Arnold Schwarzenegger, agility to rival Jessica Ennis, elasticity to rival Stretch Armstrong and with every Wednesday night free. After a pre-game strategy planning session/rule run-through and wedge of hydrating orange (well, glass of juice in the Go Mammoth discounted bar), seasoned players Moran and Shaw led the troops into the Dodge Battlefield, walled within Clapham's Leisure Centre. Heads held surprisingly aloft with the shame of the previous season's weak attempts at victory clearly brushed under a carpet and adorned in Sports Direct's finest green polo shirts (RRP two for a fiver) sans comedy logo (as Nicole had been too lazy to design it).
The atmosphere was buzzing as players signed away their safety on the Dodgeball form in exchange for a 2013 Go Mammoth T-Shirt; a noble sacrifice for the stylish red number. Watching the dying stages of a previous skirmish, the time eventually came for The Jolly Dodgers 2.0 to emerge from the sidelines into the enemies’ sight. First came archers Tony and Canadian Matt, with well-acknowledged powerful throws and gymnastically-impressive dodging. Next were the cavalrymen with horse-like grace and drive, new teammates Andy, Ben and Greg, who had only encountered the game at a Dodgeball party three years previously. And last but not least, the Dodgeball fodder infantry(wo)men to make up the female minimum requirement, Nicole, a slightly tardy Ellie and team secretary, motivator and coach Abbie.
The enemy at the gates: 11 Shanes of Grah, (wait, is that Grahhhh? Grey? Gra?) dressed in a less than intimidating mix of greyish T-shirts. First rule of Dodgeball: wear matching team gear if you want to appear at all threatening. One point to the Jolly Dodgers.
The six balls were unevenly lined up, the players restrained themselves to the appropriate wall with a stretched hand or foot, and the yellow Go Mammoth referee brought the whistle to his lips. And so at 7.40pm,Battle
New recruits Greg, Andy and Ben impressed with their enthusiasm, power and suggestion of using tactics. Tony hurdled over incoming cannoning Dodgeballs, Matt pelted to the front to smash balls against eager, forward standing enemies and Abbie pulled a muscle. As a dark cloud of pain and nausea descended over our leader, Ellie arrived and enthusiastically threw herself toward the mid-way line, succeeding in destroying crucial members of the other team, though often with kamikaze results.
Perhaps unbeknownst to her comrades, Nicole only touched the ball twice in the first set, but presumed her dominating presence was vitally influential in the first victorious wave of battle, with the team securing the first set 3-2.
Having had a bit of a stretch, Abbie returned and led the Jolly D's to a 4-1 victory in the second set. The enemies played valiantly. WithDodgeball-friend Jordan
The game's victory sealed, the team went into the third set feeling pretty relaxed. Tony continued to throw himself around the field like a beach volley ball player trying to look up girls’ skirts, Nicole provided an easy target by turning her back on the enemy to explain the rules to Andy mid-game, and all showed a supreme catching-ability not seen since Australia’s victory and England’s shameful 0-5 defeat in the 06-07 Ashes series. A closely fought set, the still-victorious Bermondsey-initiated collective sadly lost 2-3. They left the combat arena to cheers of support from the onlookers and were declared "a real threat" by one of the Go Mammoth employees.
The enemy at the gates: 11 Shanes of Grah, (wait, is that Grahhhh? Grey? Gra?) dressed in a less than intimidating mix of greyish T-shirts. First rule of Dodgeball: wear matching team gear if you want to appear at all threatening. One point to the Jolly Dodgers.
The six balls were unevenly lined up, the players restrained themselves to the appropriate wall with a stretched hand or foot, and the yellow Go Mammoth referee brought the whistle to his lips. And so at 7.40pm,
New recruits Greg, Andy and Ben impressed with their enthusiasm, power and suggestion of using tactics. Tony hurdled over incoming cannoning Dodgeballs, Matt pelted to the front to smash balls against eager, forward standing enemies and Abbie pulled a muscle. As a dark cloud of pain and nausea descended over our leader, Ellie arrived and enthusiastically threw herself toward the mid-way line, succeeding in destroying crucial members of the other team, though often with kamikaze results.
Perhaps unbeknownst to her comrades, Nicole only touched the ball twice in the first set, but presumed her dominating presence was vitally influential in the first victorious wave of battle, with the team securing the first set 3-2.
Having had a bit of a stretch, Abbie returned and led the Jolly D's to a 4-1 victory in the second set. The enemies played valiantly. With
The game's victory sealed, the team went into the third set feeling pretty relaxed. Tony continued to throw himself around the field like a beach volley ball player trying to look up girls’ skirts, Nicole provided an easy target by turning her back on the enemy to explain the rules to Andy mid-game, and all showed a supreme catching-ability not seen since Australia’s victory and England’s shameful 0-5 defeat in the 06-07 Ashes series. A closely fought set, the still-victorious Bermondsey-initiated collective sadly lost 2-3. They left the combat arena to cheers of support from the onlookers and were declared "a real threat" by one of the Go Mammoth employees.
After filling in for another team, allowing the rookie players a little more practice, the whole team piled into The Loft for post-battle analysis and BOGOF bottles of becks. The merriment flowed, and the Jolly Dodgers 1.1 team proceeded to learn about their new, skilled comrades. The Lancastrian Bear Grylls meets Ross Kemp, ration pack eating Andy, the Wellcome Trust’s PhD extraordinaire Ben and nodule-growing, vagina-throated ‘what do you actually do?’ Greg. Several beers, a slated burger and a few Steve Wright ‘Alllllright! Ooooook!’s later, and a lifelong Dodgeball friendship was established.
Bring on game 2.
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