Game 3: The Jolly Dodgers vs. The Dodger Moores

23rd January 2013

The team arrived full of optimism in Clapham last night. Greg was back from his vague work fieldtrip, and for the first time in Jolly Dodger history in some sort of snow-induced phenomenon, we had a substitute player. Seriously guys,  A SUBSTITUTE. Our opponents were the Dodger Moores, and we all took a moment to reluctantly agree that it was actually a pretty good name. Having dressed themselves in stripper-esque black bowtie against a bare-neck outfits thus far in the league, the Dodger Moores had taken it up a notch and were sporting some company sponsored tux t-shirts. Lined up like a shift of energetic waiters, their intimidating image was only slightly lessened by one male player’s short shorts (if you need visuals see here).

We looked on optimistically as the Dodger Moores took up the referee on her offer of rule explanation. Amateur first-game confusion on their part could only work in our favour. After utilising the referee for her fabulous photography skills and with the music pumping, the game began with the first of many unacknowledged false-starts over the course of the next 45 minutes. With some synchronised attacks from us, some synchronised ball drops by the other team and some invigorating tunes by the Clapham Leisure centre DJ, set one went 5-0 to yours truly.

After a tough game for the Jolly Dodgers 2.0 last week, without doubt we were back on top form. The shame, the horror and the anger all fuelling an onslaught not witnessed since the opening of the Jimmy Saville Abuse hotline. The Dodger Moores put up a worthy fight; one double-oh number (James) was the last-man standing in nearly all games throughout the match. His quick-like-a-cat spin to a sideways-on stance dodging tactic worked a treat, as well as his doubles-tennis-player-near-the-net crouch when left holding the dodge fort single-handedly. Embarrassingly, it had never occurred to us that a reduction of body surface area was a good approach to dodging! The rest of the team too threw themselves about with wild abandon, but time and time again, they found themselves pounded by a Jolly Dodger throw.

From our side, the sulking hero of last week Ellie provided fantastic distraction throughout the game with two horrendous dropping of balls whilst attempting to throw them, followed by a twirl and giggle as she ran away in embarrassment. Amazing, but seriously, twice in one game, Ellie (we need to talk about this).

It really was a week for the girls though. Alongside Ellie’s definitely (cough) deliberate flailing, Abbie made some superb catches, and Kira and I both caught and eliminated more players than ever before. Our female opponents also showed some strong skills and spirit. At one point, one of the Dodger Moorettes appeared to be crying. Abbie took the chance during a game reset to check she was ok and if we’d done anything to offend or hurt her (beyond our crushing Dodgeball play). Fortunately, it wasn’t our doing; her eyes were watering because one of her own players had elbowed her in the face. An accident we presume, rather than a brutal leadership style…

The Jolly Dodgers’ male players had a mixed game. Greg ‘No, seriously guys, WE NEED TO USE TACTICS’ Foot slammed the ball into the face of a girl with glasses (also an accident!), though immediately took himself off-court, visibly laden with guilt. Some great throwing by the rest of the lads though and Ben appeared to have 100% improvement on his dive and catch rate, leaving the game with bruises but also, finally, with eliminations under his belt. Bear Kemp Andy prowled behind Greg, awaiting ball provision to pelt the opponents with and Tony and Matt (without toe shoes) enjoyed the game and team spirit so much, they were actually happy to take their turns as subs. None of their usual frustrated-because-we’re-competitive-but-not-very-good-and-losing-ourageously attitude

We eventually reached the final games. A valiant team, the thrashed Dodger Moores continued to smile and charge at us on the whistle with a lion’s roar. To no avail, and I think during that game the Jolly Dodgers actually had a clean sweep of the balls at the start of the game. Just a little friendly advice Dodger Moores; too much roaring, not enough running.

Presumably to our opponents’ relief, the match finally ended. A 15-0 victory to the JD 2.0s. Then with probably the most sincere and heartfelt sportsmanship seen so far post-game, both sides shook hands and agreed it was one of the most entertaining and honest games we’d ever played. We followed up on this unifying game by heading to the Loft and asking to sit with the team. We spent the evening rubbing each others backs (and more…), talking about innovation and discussing fancy dress ideas for later in the season.

Dodgeball night in statistics (compiled by teacher/Dodgeball statistical analyst, Ellie):

·        Score: 15 v 0 to the Jolly Dodgers (epic)

·        Ellie’s contribution to score: 0

·        Boob shots suffered: 1

·        Face-shots: 2

·        Dropping the ball whilst actually trying to throw it: 2 by Ellie

·        Beers: too many to count

·        Inappropriate collective leg massages: 1

·        Former Channel 4 hit series Teachers cast members met: 1

·        Zombies met: 2 (volunteers for 2.8hours later: http://2.8hourslater.com/)

·        Enjoyment: 100%

Bring on game 4.